Forgiving

Forgiveness is a state of mind.  It is a state of one's spirit.   Forgiveness is hard.  Most days, I am sure I really don't understand it at all.

Forgiveness is the choice I make every day of my life.  It does not come naturally to me, especially if one has not corrected their ways.  Over decision to stop using my tongue to mess with that aching tooth. I prefer to just have it (the wound, the violation, the memory burnt into my mind, heart, soul) all eradicated from my memory.  But that is not going to occur.

I used to believe that forgiveness was something I chose to do and then it would exist, or occur.  Almost like a light switch.  'Ok, jody, time to forgive that person'.

Often I have the belief that the human brain is very close to a lizard's, with minimal evolutionary progress beyond reptilian.  There are people, of course, that have evolved beyond the rest of us. But, it's not really their brain, is it?  Perhaps it's really their soul.  Or their grit?  Or, is it just courage?   Perhaps I am having a slight crisis of faith in the strength and courage of human beings.

 Perhaps forgiveness is more similar to tracks in a ditch.  The more times I spin my wheels on the tracks in a ditch, the deeper they set.  Stop going over the tracks, eventually the tracks will fade.

I am thinking more of acceptance, perhaps.  Maybe forgiveness is first dependent on acceptance, and there comes the rub for me.  And my ego may not always allow me to accept my weakness, my vulnerability, my innocence. My ignorance, foolishness and arrogance.

Today is about waking each day and making the active choice to actively forgive my trespasses. And I do need to start there every morning.   Don't replay the pain; occurrence. Free my spirit from resentments.